yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
