Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I touched a dick in church today
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
