I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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