Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Randomize
