Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
