i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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