you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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