drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The air taste purple.
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