This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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