Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
