Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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