I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
