If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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