i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
