"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
we're so committed to being not committed
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize