Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We have started to decorate penises.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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