I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
