I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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