I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
