your thong is hanging out like whoa
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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