I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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