i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
