I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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