Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
