At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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