thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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