I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
