so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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