It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
