Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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