Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
