ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
