he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
