the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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