I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
where are my eyebrows?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
