Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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