Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
