wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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