not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
