Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
