Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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