Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
