So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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