did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i now understand why vodka
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