Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
