An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
