i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
