ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
