That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
