so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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