we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
