im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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