ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
