literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
