I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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