I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
