I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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