literally had 100 drinks last night.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I am available for nakedness
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize