I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
