i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Houston, we have a squirter
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
