Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
