he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize