11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize